Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize