So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
