Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
