well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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