I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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