Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
