You don't have asthma, your pregnant
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
