I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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