I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
