i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
