you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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