FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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