remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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