Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Alive.
So much puke
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
