There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
