Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
