I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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