i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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