I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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