Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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