Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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