Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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