Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
