she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
