I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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