Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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