You're completely useless in the revolution.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
