walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Farmville is her only friend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
