definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize