Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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