I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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