Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
