i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
