Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
