i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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