There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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