I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
