At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
