Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
