In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
