Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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