We named our party play list daddy issues
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
