Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
