i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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