you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
