dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
