My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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