I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize