If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
