and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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