I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
