Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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