No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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