I'm really into asian looking animals
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
