Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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