Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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