I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
