She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
