Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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