We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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