I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize