Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
