Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
