We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it because I queefed?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
