Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
