Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
