my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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