so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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