Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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