imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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