And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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