I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
