You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
