we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
