Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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