Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
