woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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