I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
