Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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