I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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