either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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