oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
