and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
