What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You smell like stripper and shame
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
