did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
