my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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