It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
