I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
