Your dad touched me again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
