On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
