I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
