So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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