hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
