i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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