I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize