We're like a lot better than the average bears
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
