lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
