I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
