i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
