It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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