they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
