The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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