i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
