It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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