I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
