i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize