Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
