he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am mentally ready for anal.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize