did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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