I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
