Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
