Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
