Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
