am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
