Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
