im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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