A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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