apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
