I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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