he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
