I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
